"I feel stressed about buying presents at Christmas because we can't really afford it."
First of all I totally hear you.
The drama and the stress of buying presents or thinking you have to buy presents for family members or friends (or even a secret Santa at work) can be really high, and it can be made even more acute not just from the social pressure but the actual financial pressure. When you have this many people you want to buy presents for and you've got this amount of money, and those two things aren't tallying up - that can add unnecessary stress. So what should you do when you feel stressed about buying presents because you can't afford it, or when your stress is created by money at Christmas time?
The first thing I would advise is to really check in with yourself about whether you actually want to buy presents. Not everyone enjoys giving or receiving gifts; not everyone has gifts as their love language. Sometimes, if we're feeling stressed about buying or receiving presents, it's actually because it's just not really that important to us, but we're trying to fit ourselves into a mold of what other people expect.
There is an expectation, particularly around Christmas, that you will give a gift and you will receive a gift. But that’s not true for everyone; perhaps it's much more important for you to spend time with somebody or to have an experience with them, to write them a really beautiful Christmas card or exchange hugs and kisses. If that’s the case, focus on that; work out whether you actually want to buy presents, is this truly important to you, or is there something else that's a more accurate reflection of the way I want to show love?
After this first step you might discover that “Actually, you know, I really do love presents! I love giving them and I love receiving them - I just I think they're great. Swapping presents really tells me and shows me that I love somebody and they love me!” If this is the case, then the second step is to consider what your expectations are around the price, the volume, the frequency, the quality or the size of presents that you want to give or receive. These currently subconscious expectations are creating this loop in your head; the idea that you can't actually afford to do the thing that you feel shows another person that you love them. The fact you’re stressed about it suggests to me that there’s some underlying belief there that you have to show them love in a very specific way, otherwise they're not going to get it.
For example, believing that “I don't spend a hundred pounds they won't know that I love them” or “If I don't get the kids 16 presents each they won't know I love them”. There's something internally about the volume, the price, the quality or similar which is getting in the way of you doing this action which you feel represents love to you.
It’s important to remember that if you and the other person both enjoy receiving and giving gifts, and it is a representation of your love, then it's not really about the gift itself. It's about what the gift represents - which is your care and your attention towards each other. That is priceless! And on top of that it means you can get smaller, different or cheaper gifts which do the same job but don’t keep you stuck in that loop of feeling like you can't express the love you want to express because you don't have the money for it.
As an example, one of my favourite gifts that I ever received was a housewarming present from a very dear friend of mine who I've known for a long time. When I moved into my previous house she came round to visit. She extended her hand with it closed, turned it over and opened it. In her hand was this beautiful marble - a really gorgeous marble! It wasn't anything expensive, not like some Venetian handblown glass marble. It wasn't even that I like marbles that much! It was that she had seen this object and she had imbued it with all of her love and positive energy for me, and for my new home.
That’s the key; the present is not about the present itself. It’s about what you put into it. It doesn’t really matter what it is - but if you’re feeling stressed out about buying presents because you feel you can’t afford it, it’s something to interrogate: is there a belief there that you have to buy presents? Or that, if you do want to buy presents, that your love can only be shown with a specific quantity of money? Because the reality is your love will shine through, whatever you give them - even if what you give them is a marble.
You’ve probably realised from reading this post that putting this stuff into practice isn’t easy, especially during the hustle and bustle of this time of year. You need to be consistent with it, and that means doing it every single day. If you’d like helpful daily reminders that encourage you to put these ideas into action, then click on the link below and join my affordable metaphysical membership, Soul Messages. As a member, you receive a daily text message to keep you on your path, from practical exercises and journal prompts, to musical suggestions and uplifting notes of appreciation. Click on the link below to join the Soul Messages membership, and I’ll see you there.
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